Terrible Things
by SomeoneNamedLiz
Summary: Saying goodbye is never easy. Saying goodbye forever breaks you. Passing that hurt and bitterness to your kid is worse.


…So this was a lot better in my head, than it is written down.

I hope you guys enjoy either way causeee I don't even know what it is.

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The piercing cries of a young baby engulf the room, and he groans. He had just put the baby to sleep, and for once, he thought that he would be able to get a peaceful night of rest.

"Think again" he said to himself.

With a slight nudge, he tries to awaken Clare, who is in a deep sleep next to him, but it's no use. He had to take care of the crying baby…again, not that he minded. Pushing their baby out of her took an immense toll on Clare. Giving birth was obviously painful for all women, but for Clare, it was worse.

Eli rose from his bed and walked toward Logan's crib. His crying got worse, and Eli wondered how it hadn't woken Clare up even the slightest bit. As soon as Eli picked him up and walked around the room with him, Logan stopped crying. Slowly, but surely, he had fallen asleep completely.

Eli didn't want to risk Logan waking up again if he tried to place him in the crib, so he decided to lay Logan on his chest as they both went to bed.

They both took their rightful places next to Clare; as it should be, as a family. He sighed in content as he reminisced through the memory of the day Logan was born.

"_Eli! Eli, it hurts!" Clare screeched in pain, as she prepared herself to give birth in the delivery room. _

_Eli held her hand and tried to calm her down. It hurt him to see her in this much pain. _

"_It's okay, Clare. Everything's going to be alright." Eli whimpered, not even believing himself. _

Eli's eyes shot wide open, frowning immediately once he heard Logan's cries. He remembered that he placed Logan on his chest…he wasn't there anymore.

Eli scrambled to check under the sheets, but no luck there. At that point Logan had stopped crying, and it was pitch black in the room. Clare had still not woken up.

He checked the floor, carefully in not hurting Logan. He felt a small body near the foot of his nightstand and quickly picked him up. He hurriedly walked toward the switch to turn on the light, and carefully analyzed the poor baby that had fallen off of him while Eli was sleeping.

Eli mentally scolded himself as to being that stupid in falling asleep with a two month old on him.

Logan didn't look hurt at all, but Eli was still worried. He walked toward Clare to wake her up and he shook her, "Clare. Clare, wake up. Logan fell off of me while I accidentally fell asleep. Clare, come on, we have to take him to the hospital."

Eli tried everything he could possibly think of, but Clare just didn't wake up.

"_Excuse me, sir? Can you come with me for a moment?" a nurse that stepped away from Clare asked him._

"_Is there something wrong with my baby? Tell me!" Eli started to panic, and started to think of the worst possible scenarios. _

_Did the baby have trouble breathing? Did the baby even have a pulse? _

"_Your baby is fine, he's okay." Eli sighed in relief, but that soon ended when he heard what came out of the nurse's mouth next. _

"_It's Clare we're worried about." _

Ambulance sirens were soon heard, as Eli desperately tried to get Clare to open her eyes. Show some sort of consciousness, anything.

While cradling Logan in one arm, the other arm gently lifted Clare up to rest against Eli's lap. Desperately trying to find a pulse; her wrist, her neck, nothing. She was lifeless; cold.

A paramedic busted through the door, but it had no effect on Eli. The paramedic tried to get Clare from Eli, but he wouldn't let go.

"She's alive. She's still here." Eli mumbled as he rocked back and forth with Logan in his arm. "Your mom is going to be fine."

**FIFTEEN YEARS LATER**

"Hey, dad?" Logan nervously entered the living room, where Eli was staring intently at his computer, reading over what he had just written.

Eli's focus was lost as soon as he heard his son's voice. "What's up?" he said with a smile.

Even though his writing consumed most of his life, Eli never missed a chance to spend time with his son.

"Uh, well, I just..I wanted to ask you something" Logan stuttered.

Eli raised an eyebrow in suspicion, "does it involve money? Drugs?"

"No, and no." Logan chuckled.

"Well then spit it out." Eli smirked.

After a long pause, Logan finally came out with his question.

"Can I invite my girlfriend over for dinner?" Logan rushed out, as his eyes darted all over the room.

Even though Logan sounded incoherent, Eli heard him loud and clear.

Eli sighed, "You know how I feel about you dating."

"Dad, come on. I'm fifteen. I'm not exactly a little kid anymore." Logan whined.

"Yeah, well you sure act like it sometimes." Eli said harshly.

_Logan wouldn't stop crying, and Eli wished that Clare was there to help him out. She was always better than him with the whole baby stuff. _

"_Are you hungry?" Eli asked wearily, feeding Logan his bottle, but he refused to take it. _

"_Are you sleepy? I know I am." Eli tried putting Logan in his crib, but he was still crying hysterically. _

"_Come on, Eli. Think like a baby" he told himself. _

_After a minute of thinking, and having Logan crying in the background, Eli had finally realized why Logan was in hysterics. _

"_Eli, you dumbass" he yelled at himself. _

"_You want me to change your diaper, don't you, little guy? I guess I would be pretty pissed, too, if I had to sit there in my own shit." _

"It's so nice to meet you, Mr. Goldsworthy." Jesse, Logan's girlfriend, warmly greeted Eli.

Throwing on a fake smile, Eli replied, "It's nice to meet you, too. I've heard quite a lot about you."

Fake compliments, witty banters, and vomit inducing displays of affection were shared all throughout dinner.

If Clare were here, she would've forced Eli into giving Jesse a chance. If Clare were here, Eli would never even have a problem with Logan dating.

Clare would've loved Jesse. They couldn't have been any more different, but that's what made them similar. She was a good influence for Logan.

After Jesse had left, Logan cleared everything off of the dinner table and washed all of the dishes, trying to suck up to Eli even more.

"So, dad, what did you think?" Logan asked with hope in his voice.

"She's…nice. Um, sweet girl." Eli didn't even try to cover up his dislike for Jesse.

Logan's eyes narrowed, "You hate her."

Roughly drying the last plate, Logan threw the washcloth onto the table, and decided to go upstairs.

"She's not worth it." Eli said as he began to lower his voice. "Love isn't worth it."

Logan simply stared at his father, not really believing the bullshit that was spewing out of his mouth. "What are you talking about?"

"Look, life fucks you up." Eli started as he sighed. "When I was your age, I met your mom, and immediately, I thought she was the girl of my dreams. Kind of sappy, I know" Eli chuckled.

"What's your point?" Logan muttered.

"She helped me through a lot of shit, helped me face past demons, and eventually we started falling in love. Of course, it wasn't smooth sailing; we fought, we broke, made up." Eli began to smile as he started to think of the memories the both of them shared.

Eli noticed that he was beginning to lose Logan's attention, "Anyway, fast forward a few years and we begin to plan on having you." Logan smiled shyly.

"We were both so excited that we could finally start a real family. You know, a house, white picket fence, little babies running around, the whole nine yards." Eli's voice began to crack, as tears glistened in his eyes.

Logan began to feel sad for not really knowing his mom.

"The day came for your delivery. I've never seen Clare in so much pain before because of her contractions. I thought it was normal, but I was fucking wrong."

"_It's Clare we're worried about."_

_Eli felt his heart drop. He couldn't believe this was happening. _

"_What's wrong with Clare? Please fix her!" Eli chocked on his tears. _

"_The amount of blood Clare's loosing is severe. It's possible for her to suffer a hemorrhage after she gives birth." The nurse said with grief. _

_Eli's mouth is agape. His world is crashing down. _

"_She might not make it, and even if she does, her lifeline is ending. She might pass away in two weeks, maybe in two month, and I am so sorry to tell you this. I know that the birth of your child should be the happiest moment of your life." The nurse said with tears in her eyes. _

"Your mom died from a maternal death. I know I never told you this, but I feel like now is the right time." Eli looks directly at his son.

"Logan, never fall in love. It's not worth it." Eli said with pure urgency in his voice.

Logan was too busy thinking that maybe it was his fault for his mother's death, to even realize that his father basically told him to be alone for the rest of his life.

Eli knew that Logan was too overwhelmed with everything, and he just kept adding on.

"I know that Jesse is your chance at falling in love, but just walk away from it." Eli attempts at convincing his son. "You don't deserve to have happen what happened to me. Don't let life fuck you up."

Logan tries to register everything that he's hearing at that moment, and he knows what's right for him.

"I love you, and you don't deserve to get hurt. Life's just going to take everything from you." Eli's voice shakes.

Logan shakes his head and walks away.

Life can do terrible things.

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Thanks for reading! Reviews and feedback are always welcome. :)


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